


all that hypothetical shit

by jjokkiri



Series: monsta x bingo (winter 2017) [6]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Monsta X Bingo, Pining, canon!verse, kihyun doubting himself, secret crushes, shy confessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 04:48:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9641366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jjokkiri/pseuds/jjokkiri
Summary: Because of course every good love confession starts with the hypothetical.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the _Canon_ square of [Monsta X Bingo](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/MXbingo%20).

There are difficulties with trying to confess to the love of your life that you might have more than platonic feelings for them when the nature of your entire career based itself off of teamwork. Knowing that saying something may shift the balance of that perfect chemistry was the sole reason that Kihyun could never speak up about his feelings for his friend.

Sometimes, it meant that he’d have to swallow everything floating around in his mind and pretend that it never came to him in the first place. And that only got difficult when Hoseok’s lips pursed as he concentrated on something, or if Kihyun’s eyes dared to focus on Hoseok’s face while he was speaking. There was something about the way Hoseok spoke: he’s never quite met someone who pouted his lips with every syllable leaving their lips. It’s unique. And it made Kihyun’s heart weak.

Sitting in the cramped space of the studio and scribbling down lyrics to match with Hoseok’s chords don’t quite help with trying to suffocate and drown his feelings, for everything they were. His eyes continued to flicker to where Hoseok sat, though his back was pressed against the wall and he pushed himself as far away from the taller man as possible. He’s distracted and the words don’t come to him——not fluently enough to form the lyrics of a song, at the very least.

Kihyun carried a clipboard perched atop his knees and his pen scribbled absent words on the sheet of paper, trying to piece them together into something poetic. They’re writing a love song together. It’s for the fans, but he couldn’t seem to take his mind off of Hoseok. It’s not the first time that Kihyun has stopped and considered that maybe, just maybe, he’s already fallen a little too deep for someone he really shouldn’t.

Writing about Hoseok might be enough to pass off as a song for the fans, if Kihyun changed the words around a little bit. Just with some editing, it might just be the perfect love song for the fans. He’d just feel bad that it wasn’t sincere message to the fans, but just a result of his hopeless pining over someone he really shouldn’t have ever fallen for. But, Hoseok is beautiful and it’s difficult to not to find himself trapped in all that wonder.

Anyone who looked at the older man couldn’t deny that he was attractive; flaws so minimal they hardly existed. In Kihyun’s eyes, they didn’t exist at all, but Kihyun looked at Hoseok through rose-coloured glasses. _Hopelessly_.

Hoseok looks different from when he’s in front of the fans, right now: his hair has grown out and the company hasn’t let him cut it. The bleached ends found themselves pushed back under a cap and his roots are in a desperate need of a touch up, but they still don’t know what the company planned on doing to the older man’s hair, yet. He isn’t wearing any makeup, and Kihyun thinks he’s breathtaking; likes him better this way, actually——but, he just can’t say that aloud.

And the younger man couldn’t help but wonder if Hoseok ever noticed the way his eyes lingered on him, sometimes a little too long to be considered a fleeting glance; a little too long to be considered paying respect to someone who was speaking. Sometimes, their eyes met and Kihyun would jump in surprise, other times, he’d just give a small smile (but, that was only when he expected that the other vocalist would look his way).

“Is there something on my face?” Hoseok’s voice broke the silence between them and Kihyun visibly jumped, eyes immediately moving away from the other man’s visage. His eyes searched the room for something else to fixate on, and he ended up staring down at the practically blank sheet of lyrics in front of him.

“No,” he mumbled, “I’m just thinking.”

Hoseok moved his hand away from the mouse and turned in his seat to look at Kihyun, lips pursed in slight concern. Kihyun could only be grateful that he wasn’t looking up, because Hoseok wouldn’t miss the way his eyes would immediately direct themselves to the older man’s lips. How he managed to keep himself from being unbelievably obvious in front of the fans would always blow himself away.

“Is something bothering you, Kihyun-ah?” Hoseok asked, worriedly. Kihyun held his breath.

“No, I’m okay,” he replied, quickly.

And if Hoseok would stop looking at him with those concerned eyes, then he would be perfectly okay. He’d stop needing to think about how Hoseok was worried about him and how it made him both happy and stressed at the same time. Simply because he’d never want Hoseok to worry about him, but he loved that little bit of himself that whispered: _he cares about you._ But, of course Hoseok cared about him. Hoseok cared about everyone and everything: it’s what made him so amazing, sometimes.

“It’s okay if you can’t think up any lyrics, right now,” Hoseok said. “There’s not really any rush and we want it to be perfect, right?”

Kihyun nodded, immediately. The tension in the air didn’t seem to vanish and Kihyun’s eyes flickered to the clock—— _11:31 PM;_ what were the chances that Hoseok would grow tired and push off working on the song, until Kihyun could properly grasp all of his emotions, again?

The older man furrowed his brows, “There’s something bothering you.”

Kihyun remained silent, eyes avoiding Hoseok’s. He should know better than try to push something off, because there wasn’t a doubt that the older man could read him like a book; they’ve known one another for so long. If Hoseok couldn’t read his hopeless feelings, then at the very least, he could tell when Kihyun’s mood wasn’t right. It never felt awkward around them, so the slightest shift in the atmosphere felt so much more exaggerated than it truly was. And just in this moment, Kihyun hated that fact about them.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “It’s nothing.”

A silence. There was a single beat of silence and Kihyun felt Hoseok’s eyes on him. He shifted uncomfortably underneath the gaze ( _“Kihyun, he’s looking at you!”_ his mind shouted at him, and he tries so hard to ignore it).

“Did I do something wrong?”

“What?” Kihyun faltered, eyes flickering up before they immediately moved away--he couldn’t look Hoseok in the eye when the older man was looking at him with such worried eyes. “No, of course not! You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just thinking about _things._ ”

“You’re not looking me in the eyes, Kihyun-ah,” Hoseok pressed. “You’re never like this. What’s wrong? You know you can tell me, right?”

He’d been trying so hard to not get caught with the little differences in his behaviour, but he supposed that was hopeful thinking and it was impossible for Hoseok to _not_ notice the little things. He just wondered how, if he’d noticed all of this, he hadn’t figured out Kihyun’s heart.

The older man’s hands fell into his lap, patiently and he tilted his head slightly, eyes scanning Kihyun’s figure, “It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me, you know. Just know that I’m here for you, if you want to talk about it.”

And Kihyun felt his heart skip a beat at the thought of telling Hoseok everything that was on his mind. How embarrassing it would be to voice everything floating around in his head for the past year. He’d hoped that waiting it out would eliminate all the moments where his heart fluttered in his chest.

“Thanks,” he said, quietly. The pink haired vocalist picked up his pen again, before gritting his teeth and then sighing heavily. He should, at the very least, test the waters before he dared to say anything. Maybe, Hoseok could crush his hopes, once and for all. _That would make it better between the two of them, wouldn’t it?_

There’s another silence and Kihyun wondered if this tension always existed between them. Hoseok studied him for a brief moment before he dropped his scrutiny, turning back to the computer and clicking away at the screen to adjust the chords. Kihyun waited for the beat of the metronome to engrave itself back into his mind.

“Hey,” Kihyun breathed, after a moment. “You know how we always write all these cliché love songs?”

“Cliché?” Hoseok repeated, “What do you mean by cliché?”

“Like, you know,” he mumbled, “The typical boy falls in love with girl and chases after her? Do you ever think the male fans get upset about that?”

“Music is music,” Hoseok replied, brows furrowing slightly as he continued to move the notes around on the screen, “It’s kind of the conservative industry standard to do so, isn’t it? But, I see where you’re coming from. Is this what has been bothering you? Are you worried about what the fan boys think?”

Kihyun sighed, “I guess so.”

“Do you think the fan boys actually do get upset when they don’t have love songs about them, or just... songs that they could self-insert themselves into?”

_Well, sometimes, I listen to your demo tracks and I pretend you’re singing about me._

“Maybe,” Kihyun said, “I mean, they’re fans too, right?”

“Maybe we should write a song for them,” Hoseok smiled at the screen, humming lightly under his breath. “Something that doesn’t really have specific mentions of anything, where all of our fans could fantasize.”

“That’d be nice,” the main vocalist mumbled, tapping his pen against the clipboard, “I think the fans would really like that. It’d be nice to take the focus off of girls for a bit.”

Hoseok arched an eyebrow at him, turning his head to look at Kihyun. The younger man froze, “I mean like, it would just be _different_. Attention catching, you know? Considerate for the entire fan base. It would be something pretty nice to include everyone.”

“I’m not saying anything, Kihyun-ah,” Hoseok chuckled. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I know what you mean.”

“You just looked at me weirdly,” Kihyun murmured, lips pursing into a small pout.

“I didn’t mean anything by it,” Hoseok replied, shaking his head a little. The older man dropped his hands into his lap as he leaned back in his seat, tilting his head as he studied the younger man’s expression. “Did you think I was judging you, or something?”

Suddenly, the younger man felt guilty and he shifted his eyes away from Hoseok, “I mean, I just thought that you were thinking I was——”

“No,” Hoseok smiled, cutting him off. “And I wouldn’t think anything of it, if you were.”

“So,” Kihyun started, “If, hypothetically, someone in MONSTA X was... you wouldn’t care?”

“Hypothetically? I wouldn’t,” Hoseok replied, shaking his head and confirming the statement with a small smile. “I don’t think it’s anything to really thinking too much about.”

“Hypothetically,” Kihyun added, “What if it was me?”

Leaning back in his seat and swiveling the chair around to look at Kihyun, the lead vocalist studied Kihyun with careful eyes for a moment and tilted his head, “Hypothetically, I don’t think that matters. Hypothetically, it really has nothing to do with me, does it? I appreciate you for who you are, and your sexuality, hypothetical or not, doesn’t matter to me. You’re still Kihyun.”

“What if I liked you?” Kihyun exhaled, before his eyes widened and he cleared his throat, “ _Hypothetically_ , I mean.”

Hoseok rested his elbow on the armrest and pursed his lips, eyes twinkling with curiosity and the hints of an amused smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. Kihyun flushed, suddenly terribly embarrassed at the fact he’d let his tongue slip. “Hypothetically? That’s certainly something to think about, then. By no means negative, though.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“ _Do_ you like me, Kihyunnie?”

“Hypothetically?” Kihyun asked hesitantly, unsure of how he was supposed to answer the question.

Hoseok chuckled, “Sure. Hypothetically.”

“Well, I do like you, so...” he swallowed, “I guess, hypothetically, you’re probably the most probable contender. Like, you’re handsome and nice and you’re just basically perfect. I guess, hypothetically, I’d like you.”

He thinks he’s just imagining the satisfied smile on Hoseok’s lips. But then the other man is getting up from where he was seated in his chair and took the four steps it took to stand in front of Kihyun. The younger’s heart beat rapidly in his chest and he held his breath.

“We’re talking about the hypothetical, right?” Hoseok asked, smiling lightly. Kihyun nodded. “Hypothetically, would you hate me if I kissed you?”

“Hypothetically?” the main vocalist repeated, eyes shaking with his nerves, though his heart anticipated Hoseok’s next move, “I don’t think I could ever hate you.”

And suddenly, Hoseok’s lips are pressed gently against his own. Kihyun’s breath caught at the back of his throat, because it feels like he’s done something _so right_ in his life, because this felt _perfect_.

“I think I like you, too. In both scenarios.”

All hypothetical shit aside, it’s one of the best days of his life.


End file.
